Don't Tell Me: Why To Keep Quiet About Your Goals

As the new year has been starting there’s been a lot of buzz (as always) about resolutions and setting goals. And in a lot of ways, that’s awesome! I love goals. I love setting them, thinking about them, evaluating them. (Yeah, I’m a bit of a geek.)

I talk about goals a lot on this blog.

However, talking about our goals can sometimes actually make it harder for us to reach them.

Weird, right?

It’s backed by science, though.

Why We Should Keep Quiet About Our Goals

Studies show that when we tell people about our goals it tricks our brains into thinking of our tasks as already done- when really they aren’t.

It delivers a “premature sense of completeness.”

For instance, say you want to write a book. So naturally you tell people you’re going to write a book.

“Yay, good for you!” “That’s awesome!” “I’ll buy it when it comes out!” All your friends think you’re super cool.

However, now you’ve received all this positive feedback… and you haven’t written the book yet.

We’re creating a positive feedback loop where we get praised just for talking about doing things but not actually doing them.

There are a million memes about writers who don’t write.

One reason may be because we can receive just as much positive feedback and positive brain chemistry by just talking about writing to other people and therefore gaining the rewards of writing without actually doing the work.

But what about accountability?

Don’t we need to tell people our goals in order to have them hold us accountable? Isn’t this a big deal?

Well, yes.

I mean, that’s what most of us believe and practice anyway.

Turns out, sometimes setting goals even without sharing them with anyone else can be enough to spur us on toward achieving them.

However, most of us want to talk to people about what we’re working on. We don’t want to do it on our own, and frankly it would be a lot less fun.

So how can we create accountability in a healthy way?

One strategy is to make sure when we talk with people about our writing that they actually are holding us accountable. Are they asking about our process and our progress? Or are we feeding them generic “I’m working on my book” lines that avoid actual accountability?

Another mindset that helps is by talking about our goals as a process instead of as an already completed project or a personal identity.

This means saying “I’m writing the first draft of a novel” (the process) instead of saying “I’m going to write a book” (the end product) or “I’m going to be a bestselling author” (the identity).

This language helps us to focus on the process that will lead us to our goal instead of overlooking the work that will get us there.

Really what a lot of this comes down to is that talk isn’t enough.

In the end we need to actually do the work if we want to reach our goals.

For further reading:

TED Talks, Derek Silvers: Keep Your Goals To Yourself

Derek Silvers: Announcing Your Plans Makes You Less Motivated To Accomplish Them

Psychology Today: If You Want to Succeed, Don’t Tell Anyone

Trello: The Science-Backed Reasons You Shouldn’t Share Your Goals